Palin Song

I don't quite understand why I think this is so funny, but here goes:

I don't want the world,
I just want your half

-"Ana Ng"
They Might Be Giants

Jim White

One of my favorite lesser known artists (I least I think he's lesser known) is Jim White. A singer and writer of songs and stories, I first heard of White 10 years ago during the closing credits of the movie Home Fries. The song used was "Heaven of My Heart."



The original version can be had by purchasing his album Wrong-Eyed Jesus. Included in the liner note of that album is a short story written by White called "The Mysterious Tale of How I Shouted Wrong-Eyed Jesus". It's a pretty entertaining story, which makes the CD even better. Equally entertaining is his short story "Blessing and Curses."

But I could wait and I could waste away
But what comes back is I hear you say we're gone
For all of the times that I go spinning up and down
When all of the things have died between us
Well, we'll still come around

-"Come Around"
Counting Crows

you're on the road
but you've got no destination
you're in the mud
in the maze of her imagination

-"Beautiful Day"
U2

What Would We Do, Baby, Without us... Sha-na-na-na!

Without a doubt, the best use of the term "Sha-Na-Na-Na" in a song. Also, extra points for the use of the phrase "ain't no nothing."

My take on ESPN's ranking of the best NFL Teams

ESPN has gone done it again. They decided to rank the best NFL teams, since the NFL-AFL merger. Now, you may remember when I wrote about how they butchered their list of best Super Bowl teams (and placed the 1991 Redskins at #10). One of my main issues with that list was that it was pretty arbitrary... there was no tangible explanation or formula to their madness.

Well, fortunately this time they gave their list a formula. But, of course, they seem to have butchered the formula this time around. My main issue with this formula is the serious underscoring of Super Bowl championships. I'll elaborate on this as we go along but let's start where they seemed to have started:

Winning percentage: I don't really have a problem with this calculation in which a team gets one point per mill (i.e. .500 = 500 points). The difference between the best (.608) and worst (.333) percentages is 275 points, and that seems like a fair start. However....

Super Bowls: Like I said, they SERIOUSLY underscore a Super Bowl win (50 pts) and they terribly overscore a Super Bowl loss (25 pts). To them, it is better to lose three Super Bowls (75 pts) than it is to win one (50 pts). Now if the ridiculousness of that calculations isn't apparent, just ask any Bills fans if they would trade their four Super Bowl losses (100 pts) for two Super Bowl wins and two AFC championship losses (100 pts). 50 points for a Super Bowl win would start to seem right if a Super Bowl loss was worth nothing, especially considering my next point.

Playoff victories: Ten points per playoff victory seems high. I just can't convince myself that five playoff wins is the same as a Super Bowl win. But even if we agree that 5 playoff wins is the same as a Super Bowl win, this high value is an even stronger argument for making a Super Bowl loss worth nothing.

Put it this way, the loser of NFC or AFC Championship can score as little as ten points (If they had a playoff bye). The winner of that Championship game (who goes on to lose the Super Bowl) can score as many as 55 points. That means that the difference between winning the NFC or AFC Championship can be 45 points, which as you know is almost the same as winning a Super Bowl.

12-win season and Four-win season: First, why 12 and 4 wins? Why not 11 and 5 or 10 and 6? It seems extremely arbitrary and excessive to grant 10 points (remember this is the same as a playoff win or 1/5th of a Super Bowl) for a 12-4 season, but a 11-5 season gets no points.

Additionally, these artificial plateaus don't take in to account strength of schedule. It should come as no surprise that New England's 4 12-plus win seasons have come in the past 5 years. So because the Pats were fortunate enough to have 6 games per season against the lowly Bills, Jets and Dolphins they get an extra 40 points. They essentially get a Super Bowl win because they played in a weak conference.

All-Pros: Now here is where things start getting silly. First, five points is just way too much (that's 1/10th of a Super Bowl!). Second, why only 1st team All-Pros? Why ignore the 2nd team and Pro-Bowl selections? Third, All-Pro selections vary because it's not just the Associated Press making selections. For instance check out the 1987 All-Pro selections in John Elway was 1st team for NEA and Sporting News and Joe Montana was 1st team for the AP, Pro Football Writers, and Pro Football Weekly. So why is one of these organizations selections better than the others?

Besides, what does it matter? All-Pro selections are the epitome of individual achievement and we're talking about the best teams, not the teams with the best individual players. And, yes, I can understand looking for a way to measure "Individual Star Power" but All-Pro selections are not the way to do it. You're just not going to get "star power" from most of the positions... Honestly, who was the last "star" All-Pro center or defensive tackle?

"MNF": MNF, which stands for Monday Night Football appearances... Did I mention how this is getting silly? At least they're not giving this more than one point, but even one point seems excessive.

Coaching changes: Now we're heading back to ridiculous land. So let me get this straight, a coaching change (-10 pts) negates a playoff win? And if that's not dumb enough, they count interim coaches! I don't even know how to respond to how stupid that is. At least the difference between the most (New England with -120) and least (Houston and Jacksonville with -10) coaching changes isn't huge at 110 points, but it still represents the equivalent of more than 2 Super Bowl wins. Are you following me here with the idea that Super Bowls are scored too low.

Crushing postseason defeats: I understand what they're trying to do here, but there are too many problems with the way they did it. First, this is WAY overscored. Two of these and you practically negate a Super Bowl win? Second, why limit this list to only 25 games. Third, I seriously doubt the Music City Miracle which was a Wild Card game, was as crushing a defeat as the Patriots loss to the Giants in the Super Bowl earlier this year. Finally, there are no points for being on the winning end of those games. I'm sure it's even sweeter for Giants fans that they defeated the 17-0 Patriots.

Busts: Here we have landed smack dab in the middle of Dumb-land. First, the 10 points lost here are WAY too much. If we are to believe this, the Chicago Bears' lone Super Bowl is practically 1/2 negated by their two busts. Second, not all busts are the same. As a Redskins fan, I can assure you that wide receiver Michael Westbrook (#50 on the list) wasn't anywhere near as disappointing as quarterback Heath Shuler (#4 on the list). At least we got one respectable season out of Westbrook. But in the eyes of ESPN they were equal. Third, why only count draft busts and not free agent and trade busts?

So with that said, and with much more emphasis on Super Bowl wins allow me to reorder the top 10:

1. Dallas Cowboys - I can agree with them being first over the 49ers and Steelers for one reason, their 5 Super Bowls are the most evenly spread out.
   
2. Pittsburgh Steelers - I put them in front of the 49ers because they have been more consistent than the 49ers and although most of their Super Bowl wins were in the mid to late 70s, they did finally get their fifth a few years ago.
   
3. San Francisco 49ers - So far I've agreed with ESPN and that won't change here. As ESPN notes, their glory days span 16 years in the 1980s and early 90s. Aside from that time they have been less than stellar.
   
4. Oakland Raiders - Here is the first point I disagree with ESPN. Basically, to me going 3-1 in Super Bowls is better than going 2-3 especially when Oakland's last SB appearance and victory were more recent. Sure the timeline shouldn't matter for the formula (a SB I win is as good as a SB XXX win), but I still think Oakland has a better overall history.
   
5. New England Patriots - I can certainly see an argument for putting the Pats before the Raiders, but Oakland has the better overall winning percentage and not as many SB loses. In fact, I think Oakland, New England and the next team area all very close.
   
6. Washington Redskins - I was tempted to put the Skins above the Pats but, besides the fact that I could easily make a case for the Skins (better winning percentage, not as many SB loses), I just didn't want to seem like such a homer. But like I said before spots 3-5 could very easily be considered spots 3a, 3b and 3c.
   

So once again I disagree with where the ESPN ranks the Skins: 5th place at worst for me vs 8th place for ESPN. Well that should be no surprise I guess... since obviously they're wrong.

And still on a winter's night, they say, when the wind is in the trees,
When the moon is a ghostly galleon tossed upon cloudy seas,
When the road is a gypsy's ribbon looping the purple moor,
The highwayman comes riding

-"The Highwayman"
Alfred Noyes

You touched my hand and you smiled
All the way back you held out your hand
If I hope and If I pray
Ooh well it might work out someday

- "Seven Wonders"
Fleetwood Mac

The 2007-2008 NBA Season: Why I now hate the NBA

I've mentioned before how I couldn't watch the NBA, mostly because of referees (notice that complaint came a year before the Tim Donaghy Scandal). Well, this year's NBA Finals is just reinforcing my aversion.

The Los Angeles Lakers and the Boston Celtics seem to be everyone's dream final... especially the NBA's dream. Well, it's definitely not mine. Not that I wanted Spurs vs. Pistons, but at least those two teams weren't gift-wrapped trips to the Finals. Both the Celtics and Lakers benefited from ridiculously lopsided trades which virtually guaranteed their conference championships.

The Celtics were first, when former Celtic and current Timberwolves executive Kevin McHale sent Kevin Garnett to Boston. The Timberwolves essentially received the Celtics bleak future of young players. The Lakers on the other hand received Pau Gasol for... well, aside from Kwame Brown I don't even know what they got. Sounds fair doesn't it?

Think about it, a year ago if you could have placed a bet against a Lakers-Celtics final this year you would have taken that in a heartbeat. The Celtics were young and completely unremarkable and the Lakers had ONE good player who didn't even want to play there anymore. Now they're playing each other for the championship. I won't scream NBA conspiracy, but it's enough to make you think.

Gummi Bears! Bouncing Here and There and Everywhere!

A little while back I linked to the DuckTales opening theme song over at Youtube. I even gave you a bunch of different languages, so you could imagine yourself enjoying DuckTales as a young spanish, slovak... or whatever language speaking youth.

Well here is the Gummi Bears Theme:





This time, instead of Gummi Bears in different languages (which you could conceivably just look up yourself) I'm linking to this interesting Techno version of the Gummi Bears Theme Techno version:

Nat's Attendance Woes

So much hoopla was made about how the Nats drew a paltry 20,487 fans in their second game at Nationals Park. Yeah, it sucked... but I'm still making excuses and here they are (in order of importance/reason):

1. Over a week from game 1 to game 2 - These people seem to be missing this fairly important point: The Nats opened Nationals Park with a single game "series", after which they went on a week long road trip. Home Game #1 was on Sunday, March 30th and Home Game #2 came over a week later on Monday, April 7th. Pittsburgh, who was lauded for having 35,045 fans in their game following opening day, had a slightly similar situation. The Pirates had a 3 game series to open PNC Park, and then went on a road trip. When the came back a week later they drew 20,128 fans. And not coincidentally that game was on a...
   
2. Monday night - Capital Punishment compared it to other weeknight game #2, but that entirely ignores that it not only was a weeknight, but it was a Monday night. The following game, on a Wednesday, drew 23,340 fans. Sure, not a huge improvement, but definitely an improvement considering the Wizards and DC United also had homes games that night.
   
3. The Opponent (Florida Marlins) - Capital Punishment glosses over this point by saying "Want lousy opponents? How 'bout the Brewers?" to which I respond: No, not the Brewers. Consider that the Brewers actually draw fans and the Marlins just don't. They don't even draw fans to their own stadium in Miami.
   
4. The Nats don't have a history and just aren't that good - It's just not fair to compare Washington to the rest of the league because the Nats don't have a history here (even if you include the Senators, their last Washington World Series appearance was 1933) and all other recent expansion teams started play in a new stadium, save for the Colorado Rockies who waited only 2 years for Coors Field and were actually a good team that year (they started 7-1, as opposed to the Nats 3-4 record when they returned for the monday night game 2).
   
5. It was 50 degrees - Sure, Detroit, Cleveland and Chicago drew more people on similar weather, but all of those are cold weather towns AND those games were the next game following the opening day.
   
6. NCAA Final Four - The NCAA College Basketball Final Four was on that same night.
   
7. Local Sports competition - The DC sports media was enthralled with the Washington Capitals who had, just that Saturday, made the playoffs with a seven game winning streak to end the season. The Wizards were likewise headed to the playoffs. When you don't have a "time-rooted" following and you've been gone for a week, it helps to have the media pump up game 2 at the new ballpark... which the media absolutely did not.
   

So sure one or two of these factors and it's not a big deal, but this truly was a "Perfect Storm" against the Nats. Although I think the first factor was the biggest reason, all of those things combined just made for a low turn out.

But not to worry, despite the fact that, until a few nights ago, the Nats had the worst record in the majors, the Nats are doing okay attendance-wise coming in at #15 according to ESPN. And don't forget that every team from #1 to #14 has a real MLB history, except for the Colorado Rockies, who went to the World Series last year. Now I'm not saying Washington will be a great baseball town, but I think we'll do just fine.

Jim White On Tour

One of my favorite artist, Jim White, will be on tour soon.

Now he's only doing a couple of shows, mostly on the east coast, but if you get the chance to check him out, you should. I'll try my darnedest to make the Annapolis show on May 15th, but Thursday evenings are tough.

For a feel of what his music is like, here is Jim doing a favorite of mine, Heaven of My Heart, on French TV:

Capitals as Stanley Cup Favorites?

I'm getting ready to watch the Caps vs. the Lightning and they're interviewing Dmitry Chesnokov who writes for SovSports.ru on Washington Post Live. So of course I'm I interested and check the site... but of course it's all in Russian.

Thanks to the google translator, I find this article talking about Alex Ovechkin. I throw it through Google's translator (translate article) and find this interesting nugget at the beginning of the fourth paragraph:

That is why "Washington" in my opinion - one of the Stanley Cup favorites.

.

The argument being that if you extrapolate the Caps record (77 points in 59 games) since Bruce Boudreau took over, they would be the best team in the league with 107 points. A stretch, and probably a "homer" stretch considering the 4 Russian players on the team (Ovechkin, Kozlov, Semin and Federov), but I'm not complaining.

Mount Rushmore in Nevada?

I'm always curious as to where I rank on google since a lot of people who "stumble upon" this site seem to do so via google. Interestingly, if you think Mount Rushmore is in Nevada, I'll be your first link.

What does that mean? Not much really, besides that I am now the "I'm feeling lucky" result to a search of "Mount Rushmore in Nevada."

American Idol Season 7: Miami, FL

I guess I forgot to hit publish last night... oops:

We're in Miami tonight and I've got to admit, I definitely liked the opening sequence with "American Idol" in the place of "Miami Vice" in the Miami Vice logo. So of course they also get the crowd in the stadium to sing Gloria Estefan's "The Rhythm is going to get you." Looking good already!

So after a strange interaction between Randy and Simon and Paula, where Simon calls Paula's short dress "very sluty" in a quite creepy voice, we immediately get introduced to Shannon McGough whose parents own a meat market. Of course since it's interesting enough that she "works with meat" she gets a segment. She pretty much yells her entire song and after asking if she can sing something else she gets an immediate "Never" from Simon. Randy, who has been in the "nugget zone" (and yes I just made that up) these past two days drops this goldie: "You almost maybe tone deaf, I don't know." I think I know, Randy.

Next is former "Boybander" (btw, DO NOT forget to check that link especially the "Why We Love Robbie" section) and current "Rocker" Robbie Carrico (who apparently is part of a band named Missing Picket) who isn't bad, but who has a rather undistinguished voice. Of course he's through and I immediately put him as a lock for making the top 12 and getting too far simply because he'll have a large following of preteen girls (ala Ace Young and Constantine Maura-whachamacallit). Don't forget, you heard it here first.

Back from the break we get a montage of guys who would/could have definitely made for good TV had they dedicated more than 5 seconds on each. Just bad auditions in general.

But then we get Ghaleb Emachah who kinda looks and sounds like Antonio Banderas. I'm not a fan of his voice, and Simon says it would sound good if you were drunk... that just can't be good. Paula however likes his voice, Randy gives him a yes, and finally Paula sends him to Hollywood with a yes.

Brittany Wescott and Corliss Smith are up and just from their speaking voices, I'm guessing they're in. Corliss sings first and she's pretty good, really good actually. Brittany is next and she can definitely carry a tune, but her voice is not as unique as Corliss. I'm a bigger fan of Corliss, but they're both darn good. They're both through to Hollywood, and I immediately get the feeling this is going to end up in one of those "Only one of you is getting into the Top 24" situations like Sanajaya Malakar and his sister had a last year.

Suzanne Toon brings us back from the break and we get treated to a "feel good" segment about her and her daughter, which considering how the producers have set things up recently, this could go either way. She sings one of my favorite songs, Bonnie Raitt's "I can't make you love me" , and she just doesn't do it that well. Good but definitely nothing special. However, all three judges like her well enough and so she's through.

Next we have a petite and frail looking Ramiele Malubay who picks a tough, tough song to sing (Aretha Franklin's "Natural Woman") but she's surprisingly good all things considered. She misses a few notes, but she deserves to get through... and she does.

More than half way through tonight's episode and we're off to another break. My immediate thoughts are that we have yet to get a real bad audition with a corresponding contestant breakdown AND Miami definitely made for a better show than Omaha. We can only hope there are more bad auditions to come.

Syesha Mercado brings us back from a break, and she gets a "feel good" segment about her and her father. Maybe this is the feel good story that doesn't get through. She starts singing somewhat well but then gets to screaming a bit too much. All three judges agree with each other, and they send her through.

Natashia Blach is next, with another one of my favorite songs, "At Last." She's good enough to get to Hollywood but not amazing. Predictably she's through.

Ilsy Lorena Pinot follows and is also good. I don't see either contestant making it to the Top 12, but at least they should have fun in Hollywood.

After a break we get a montage of bad auditions featuring Ben Hausbach, Carroy Bethea, Grant Rhea, and Fabienne Hyppolite. Sadly it just serves to remind us of what could have been with this season's Idol, since the montage lasted at most 2 minutes and we weren't treated to any departing tantrums.

A very nasal Richard Valles continues the bad auditions and even gets Randy to do a great imitation of RV (Which I'm convinced would have been his nickname had he gotten to Hollywood.)
Former American Juniors contestant Julie Dubela is next and she's ready to audition in a yellow and neon pink dress straight out of the 80s (perfect for Miami, btw). She acts WAY older than 16, and she seems to move her mouth much more than you would think she would need to when she speaks. Also, I wouldn't be at all surprised if she were high. Anywas, she's not terrible, but she doesn't get through to Hollywood. Not that she really deserved to go but they've sent much worse people to Hollywood this season. Strange I guess.

We're back and we're treated to a young man in an all white suit, who comes in sliding all over the place just like Sandman Sims at the Apollo. His name is Brandon Black and he kinda Boyz II Men's "I'll Make Love to You" while doing a few other strange things. He's so bad Randy and Simon just leave and say from off camera "no, never" when he asks if he's through or not.

And with that we're done.

American Idol Season 7: Omaha, NE

Have you ever been to Omaha, Nebraska? It's pretty flat, let's hope the contestants aren't. Ha! I know, I know, I should go on the road. Anyways, Idol is in scenic Nebraska and since there isn't much to say about that let's get to it:

We start off promisingly with a fellow named Chris Bernheisel, who comes bearing gifts for the judges. They way he's acting, I'm going to guess he's not so much good. He even starts crying because he's so excited to be on the show... and I'm feeling a tinge bad for just assuming he's going to suck. But then he starts singing and it's just bad. And then in a "feel good" twist Simon encourages the local Fox affiliate to send Chris as their reporter to the AI finale. Not surprisingly, he doesn't get a yellow ticket, but he leaves as if he had. Have I mentioned this is a kinder, gentler American Idol?

As we head into the break, we're teased with Paula's arrival and some pretty bad auditions. I get the feeling they're not going to be as good (i.e. bad auditions combined with crazy breakdowns) as we're led to believe. Have I mentioned this is a kindler, gentler American Idol?

We're back with Jason Rich, who gets a "back story" segment (where they show his home and hometown), but as we've seen this year, that's no guarantee. He's breathy and nervously forgets the words. He even says "when you light the nark" (combining night and dark). When he finally gets to the high notes though, he hits them fairly well. I'm guessing he's in, but in this season, you never know... but he's through to Hollywood with votes from Randy and Simon.

Paula finally shows up and we get a forgotten lyrics montage. All the people in the montage not only forgot their lyrics but they're a little bit horrible. Of course, that's all we get to see of them because the AI producers don't seem to want to harp on the crazy breakdown auditions. Have I mentioned how this is a kindler, gentler American Idol?

Rachael Wicker, who kinda looks like a man (not my original comment, btw), has a relatively deep speaking voice and prepares for her audition by arm wrestling people including Ryan Seacrest. She's a little whiny when she sings, but she has a good voice under the country whine. Randy puts my thoughts perfectly when he asks why country singers tend to yodel. Randy says yes, Simon says no, and then, to no ones surprise, Paula send her to Hollywood. To celebrate, Rachael arm wrestles Paula and ends up ripping Paula's arm off. (Sorry. Does it show that I'm getting a little bored with this season of Idol.)

Back from the break we're introduced to Lady Morgue, aka Sarah Whittaker, who claims to be a former professional wrestler. While waiting her turn outside, she shows off her lungs with a loud cackle. She starts her audition by singing a song that reminds me a strange musical. Randy is on the top of his game as he does a great imitation of her creepy laugh and then drops this nugget: "Noooooo, not... completely not right. wrong." Of course she's leaves without a coveted yellow ticket.

Ryan peeks in following her audition, and ends up trading places with Paula. So we've got our new judge Ryan as Samantha Sidley starts her audition. She's really shy and doesn't seem at all confident... but then she starts singing a Norah Jones song and she can sing. My main complaint is that she seems to be trying to sing too much like Norah Jones and not herself. Randy thinks she needs to work on her performance and as Paula returns she rightfully gets 3 yeses (4 if you count Judge Ryan's yes). I may have to add her to my favorite list, since she's good and doesn't seem to know it.

After Samantha we get treated to 3 pretty good singers who go on to Hollywood: Elizabeth Erkert (who has a good but common voice... lacking some deep tone), Denise Jackson (who has a better voice, but seems to jump around a little too much), and Michael Sanfilippo (who has an Elliot Yamin-type voice).

Angelica Puente gets a "back story" segment centered around her dad. Considering she doesn't seem insane, there was a time when it was a good guess that she would be through. This year? Not so much. She sings a Celine Dion song and continues the trend of people who keep singing songs as if they're trying to imitate the original version. Randy pretty much says as much and even gets Simon to concur. But she's through to Hollywood and AI continues the other trend of this season, not letting on whether the tweeners make it or not.

We get back from another break with a Rocker montage (of course, including many shots of Chris Daughtry). David Cook is one of those "rockers" and he's got a good speaking voice. He does a pretty good version of "Livin on a Prayer" and is through.

A sequin-shirted 17 year old named Johnny Escamilla is up next. And he sings "Shout" with a spastic wide legged tap dancing motion (and that description just doesn't do it justice). Randy's last statement puts it perfectly: "Yeah." Go ahead and take a wild guess as to if he made it through.

We come back from what should be the last break to a montage of really bad versions of "Stuck in the Middle with You." So many of them had crazy breakdown written all over them, but since this is a kindler, gentler American Idol (have I mentioned that?) we get them all compacted into this minute and a half.

Leo Marlowe, who if I'm not mistaken pretty much called himself a homecoming queen, seems to be our last audition of the night. And he's pretty darn good... probably the best developed voice of the night. Of course he's through and thats it for the night.

Well that was relatively uneventful and that works out well since that describes pretty much any visit to Nebraska. In the end, Omaha gave us 19 Hollywood bound contestants and one guy yelling "goodbye!" (yet another possible crazy breakdown that got shortened/ignored).

Tomorrow: Miami, FL.

American Idol Season 7 Commentary: Charleston, SC

I spaced and forgot to Tivo last night's American Idol AND I almost forgot to do it today, which makes me miss the first 8 minutes of the show. So let's get to it:

We're in Charleston, SC (I learned this later) and I'm starting halfway through Randy (missed his last name) and Crystal Ortiz's audition. Auditioning Randy (to differentiate him from Judge Randy) sounds like a bad immitation of John Mayer. Crystal doesn't sound like anything specific. Simon though says it was a "complete torture." Not at all surprisingly they don't get through to Hollywood.

Next are brother and sister, Michelle and Jeffrey Lampkin. They start off doing a "bow-chicka-wa-wa" thing, so its not looking good. Jeffrey reminds me of Nipsey Russell and he wore what look like snakeskin boots... you know for Randy. They start singing together and they're not as bad as you would think. They're not Hollywood material but they just might get 2 yeses (of 3) each because they're "interesting." Simon prefers Jeffrey over Michelle and Randy really liked Jeffrey (I guess I was totally off). And although it seemed like they'd get split, Simon ends up sending both to Hollywood. Like I said they probably got through more on charisma than singing ability, so my guess is they don't last long in Hollywood.

Coming back from commercials we get an update on Oliver Highman and his pregnant wife (I guess they were first introduced in the part that I missed) who appear to be on the way to the hospital. We then get treated to a a montage of really bad version of Carrie Underwood's "Before He Cheats." Of course since Idol has this new "Don't Be So Mean" philosophy, we just get a snippet of how bad these folks were. But at least we got to see a lady who kinda does a weird singing narration of the video.

Amy Catherine Flynn, a 16 year old cheerleader, is up and next and she's says her name is "Amy Catherine, AC, whatevs." Anyhoo, Simon gets her to go on a whole abstinence speech which Simon facetiously said he liked... okely dokely! So, anyways, she starts singing and she's good for a 16 year old, but her voice is just not developed enough. I guess she'll get through. Of course Paula likes her and gives her a yes. Simon says her song was "too big for her" and then adds "a lot of people are going to find you annoying." She reminds of the large number of people who do cover songs on Youtube. Simon says yes tho, making Randy's yes inconsequential. I just don't see how she should get through to the top 24 though.

Back from the break, and Oliver Highman (the guy whose wife went into labor) and his wife finally get to the hospital.

London Weidberg auditions next. She's a pretty face, but she has a strong speaking voice. She does Billie Holliday's "Good Morning Heartache" and she's pretty good, but a bit breathy. Not surprisingly she's through, I can see her definitely making the top 24, maybe even the top 12.

We're told 15 people made it through on day 1, and we're off for more commercials.

Airforce pilot Lindsey Goodman brings us back from the break. They give her a whole segment (where we get to see the C17 she flies) so I just can't see her not making it. She sings "Black Velvet"... not a song I like because it a little to simple. She's okay but nothing special. And surprisingly she doesn't make it. That continues another trend for this season in which they're showcasing a lot of people that could go either way. They're keeping us guessing.

Next is Aretha Codner, who decides to sing Whitney Houston's "I Have Nothing." (And Cindy makes a good suggestion: Maybe I should make a Rule #1a of American Idol: Don't sing Whitney Houston to go along with my Rule #1 of American Idol: Never sing Stevie Wonder) Her voice has potential, but she picked a hard hard song and just didn't do it well enough. Simon calls her out on her "funny blue dress" and "big belt" even getting Paula to whisper "stop." And then surprisingly Simon says the singing was terrible. I wouldn't call it terrible, though. Maybe "common" but not terrible. And Wow, even Paula gives a her No. She thinks she can sing and keeps arguing her case as she leaves.

Joshua Boson wearing bright red pants is up doing "And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going" which strangely reminds of Jake Gyllenhaal's Saturday Night Live version. You just have to see it. Simon is nice when he says "It wasn't a good audition." Apparently, though, Joshua thinks he can sing and he starts getting agitated. At least he's smart enough to realize he isn't making it and he walks out in the middle of Paula's review. But don't worry he's not looking to be the next American Idol, he's going for "World Idol." Good luck with that!

Tara Smith's "no" audition leads to a bunch of Nos including someone Randy called a "Disney character" and someone Randy said "sounded like a chipmunk." But of course we don't get to actually hear Randy say these things (the auditioners said these things) since this is a kinder, gentler American Idol. Can you tell I'm bitter?

New father Oliver Highman is finally ready to audition and he immediately reminds me of Taylor Hicks. And he's not bad, but he way over does the vibrato thing. Simon says the warbling is too much. And yet another no. Although it's not surprising that he got a no, it's surprising that we keep seeing a bunch of tweener "nos."

And then all of a sudden my Tivo recording is done! So I guess that's it for Charleston which apparently didn't yield too many Hollywood bound contestants.

So what have we learned from this seasons American Idol: We aren't going to see the really crazy people or the judges reaction to them AND we're seeing a lot of tweeners where you just don't know if they're making it through or not. I like the latter but not the former.... I guess you can't win em all.

American Idol Season 7: Dallas Auditions Day 2

We're heading into the second hour (Day Two) (BTW, you can find my thoughts on Day One here) and my big thoughts are what I've been saying all along: They're toning down the mean, which after the past two seasons is understandable, but still a little disappointing.

BTW, I'm digging the Honda Ridgeline commerical where a weathered Chuck Norris enters a fancy restaurant with just the tagline "Tough meets Classy." I know, I'm easy.

Douglas Davidson brings us into Day 2, and starts off with a warmup, which kind of sounds like he's choking himself. And he does "Livin on a Prayer" as if he's running out of breath the entire time. Simon asks him "What the bloody hell was that?" After a few more warm-ups he keeps singing. He does this by either whispering or singing really loudly while at the same time crossing his arms in an "X" in front of him. He graciously gets escorted out.

Newlywed Angela Reilly is up and sings "Baby Love." There is no way she could be serious especially considering how her husband Chad is there cheering her on rather vibrantly... a little too vibrantly if you ask me. Paula even pulls out this nugget: "Ohhhhh, sweetie pie. Reality check." She's sent home and leaves crying, which now makes me think that she was serious. Oooops.

A break and we're back with Kyle Ensley, who they portray as a politician while playing up how goofy he is. He's starts off badly, but kinda fixes it up towards the end. But he's definitely... as Simon says "Not as a bad as I thought you we're going to be." Simon hands out another mercy "yes", with Randy following up with a reasonable "no." Paula is the deciding vote, and sends him to Hollywood. Another wasted flight, but oh well, maybe they'll turn up the mean in Hollywood.

Tammy Tuzinski follows up Kyle by deadpanning, "The type of singer I would be is R&B/Hip Hop. I will eat your children." (Okay so I made up the second sentence.) Anyways, her audition is "Power of Love" by Celine Dion but she starts singing "If You Ask Me To" in what really looks and sounds like a bad Alanis Morrisette impersonation. Not that it matters since I don't know the difference between the two songs, but it should matter that apparently neither does she. The whole time she seems to be holding back a smile as if she's putting us on. She answers Randy's question of "What do you think we're think?" with a "uhhh, a no." Winner, winner, chicken dinner!

Colton Swon is up and my first guess is that he's heading to Hollywood. He starts singing "Boondocks" (which btw has some dubious grammar going on) and immediately I'm reminded of Bucky Covington. Good voice. Not to my liking/style, but he deserves to go to Hollywood. And we're off to more commercials.

We come back to bunch of men in drag and/or men singing like they were women.

But farmer Drew Poppelreiter, who probably has the thickest southern accent of the night, is up. It almost feels like he's acting, when he sticks a bit hay in his mouth and mentions that he's never been on a plane. His voice is okay. It shouldn't be Hollywood, but I get the feeling he's through because of the whole "Farmer act." And in spite of Simon's "no" he's headed to Hollywood.

Karl Reinneck, who reminds me of a Backstreet Boy and claims to be a rocker, auditions next. He starts singing and he's definitely not rocking. Simon calls it "slightly demonic." So he's got that going for him but not the a trip to Hollywood.

Heading into some more commercials we're teased with a few crazies including a mime and a young Liberace look alike. We can hope can't we?

Coming back from the commercials we get this city's terrible medley, Kelly Clarkson's "Since You've Been Gone." And they continue skipping some good crazies, which of course is disappointing.

Anyways, Nina Shaw, who's from the same town as Kelly Clarkson, is up and she's good but not great. She gets to sing another, and I feel the same way. Randy points out the reason why I'm not sure about her: she's doing the retro jazzy thing, which I'm not sure I like. I agree with Simon, but she still gets a pair of yeses from Randy and Paula.

We're back from the final break, and a fella in a white and silver Pimp/Liberace suit is about to audition. I think he's got some big white wings on his hat, so that's good. Renaldo Lapuz is his name and he's doing his original composition, "Brothers Forever." He starts singing and to be honest, it's not all that funny. Even when Paula and Randy start mockingly lip syncing and dancing along, it doesn't make it any funnier.

And with that we're done for this week and we're headed to San Diego next week. This was definitely disappointing, and I get the feeling it's going to last. Oh well...

American Idol Season 7: Dallas Auditions Day 1

Man, you people love you some American Idol! I write about Project Runway, the NFL (I know it's been a while but I'm still moping about the Redskins losing), I review the state quarters, but do you people care? Well, some people do... but definitely not as much as you people seem to care about American Idol. Anyways, since you guys love American Idol... here it is:

We're in Dallas tonight, and we can only hope that someone turned up the crazy on this show. Well, we have good start with someone who went into labor at the tryouts and decided to name their child Idol... this is American Idol!

First we start with Jessica Brown a former meth addict. She's got "heartwarmer/feel good" story written all over her. If things hold to form, she'll be good and headed to Hollywood. She picks a good song, "I'll stand by you" by the Pretenders. She's good, not outstanding but good. I still think she'll be through... and she's in.

Next we have Paul Stafford, who tends to a baseball park... kinda like Forrest Gump tended that football field in Greenbo, Alabama. He's a little, check that, a lot goofy. He does Elliot Yamin's "I'll Wait for You" in a nice monotone voice. Like Simon says, he seems like a nice guy... Paula puts it best with her go-to phrase "I don't think this is right for you."

Beth Maddocks is up. She was a singing waitress at a fondue restaurant, so I really have no clue which way this is headed. She's not good and unfortunately she chose to sing "Beautiful Disaster" which of course sets her up for a few obvious jokes.

Esteban Deanada follows with something Simon calls "Atrocious." Victoria Metz and Drucilla Wideman also follow with "nos". And once again it seems like the AI producers are turning down the mean, since we're hurried through the bad auditions.

Alaina Whitaker is up and she's pretty good. Singing a country song, she kinda doesn't stand out, but suddenly hits a few good notes. I like her. After telling her it was a good audition, Simon tells her "I don't think your as good as you think you are." Which she responds with a "shoot!" I've got to admit, she's cute. She's like a smarter and better voiced Kelly Pickler. Of course she's through.

We're back from the break with Gregory and Mia Tobias. I have no clue what they're singing. I don't even think they're singing together, although they might think they are. As Simon silently nods incredulously, they seem to get the hint and leave.

Bruce Dickinson is up and the first thing they mention about him is that he's never been with a woman. Strangely, he explains a "whole my daddy has my heart until my wife takes it" necklace thing, which I obviously don't understand and I think is creepy. Anyways, he's not bad, especially considering the tough song he chose (Ain't No Sunshine). But as Paula even said, his voice isn't R&B-ish. And as you well know, if Paula isn't supporting you, you're probably not going to Hollywood... and neither is Bruce.

Pia "Zpia" Easley kinda looks like Eve, especially with her short hair. And, wow, she can sing, she's can really sing. She's got a nice natural sounding voice. Another one for my favorites list.

Back from another break with Brandon Green who has a bag full of his old fingernail clippings. Wow, that's... um... yeah... disgusting is too weak a word. Okay, now that I've got that stuck in my mind, he starts singing. Good voice. Kinda reminds me of weaker Elliot Yamin. (And remember I REALLY like Elliot Yamin) And he's in with the single "no" coming from Simon.

Kayla Hatfield is up. Her speaking voice is a little high pitched, so this could go either way. A half "feel good" story considering she was in a pretty bad car crash. She sings Janice Joplin and sounds like she's doing an imitation and that's not really a good thing. Strangely Simon says "yes" and Paula says "no". Finally we end with Randy saying yes. I'm thinking it's a wasted trip to Hollywood but at least she is a character.

Erick Mauldin brings us back from the break, and he's gets Simon to say "You sound like you're seven." Charles Markham follow him, and Simon hands out another "Atrocious." Tristan Clements is next and delivers his song, seemingly, without blinking. Simon calls him "creepy." (Obviously, none of these guys are through and, I know I'm beating a dead horse, but the mean is definitely toned down this season.)

A well tanned Kady Malloy is up and she does a pretty good impersonation of Britney Spears singing. She follows that up with what sounds like an imitation of Carrie Underwood doing "Before He Cheats." Simon stops her and asks her to be herself. And she's pretty darn good. Simon even says she's the best so far this year, like Randy I don't agree, but there's no denying she's good.

And Day One is over with 11 people through. On to Day Two.